I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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