we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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