"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
