Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
