I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
