I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
