Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize