I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize