He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
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