weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
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