Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
