We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
