Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
