Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize