Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
