the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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