In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
