I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
