all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
