Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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