I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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