Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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