you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
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