you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
