dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
