you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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