I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She told me I should be a condom model.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize