P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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