we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I am midnight drunk by noon
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Sext me about skeletons
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
