I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
