Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
