One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
