Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
