Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
