Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
