She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
It's just like the Real World with babies
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
