If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Randomize
