I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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