even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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