the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
