There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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