My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
You're like the curious george of whores
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
