I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
