My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
