Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
