I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Randomize
