Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Even my vagina gasped.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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