Need sex. Gaining weight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
He felt like a one man threesome
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
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