You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize