Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Randomize
