my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
