Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
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