I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
