yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
