Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
