I'm really into asian looking animals
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
