I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
