his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize