why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
