I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Randomize
