Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
