Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dignity is for republicans.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
