He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
