goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
