why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
