Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
It's rum buckets o'clock
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
