well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
