I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
