ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
