Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
