All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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