me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
