why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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